Jiraiya's Lecture
by koshemi
Summary: Team 7 stumble upon a poster that advertises Jiraiya's very first lecture in the town Just what will be said in this '18 and over only' lecture? And we all know just how perverted Jiriaya can be ... not for innocent people but no teehee r&r plz


**Jiraiya's Lecture**

_**A/N **_Hey guys :)

this is a ONE-SHOT

I was bored and I know I should be writing my other stories but I just had this talk with my friend that inspired this and it was hilarious!

Absolutely hilarious!

Unlike my other stories, this is a MALE Naruto :)

Anyway.

**Xx**

**Xx**

"Hey Naruto!" called out Sakura to her male teammate, pointing to a poster on the wooden fence, "Look, Jiraiya is doing a lecture! And it's today"

"Lecture?" replied Naruto, grabbing onto Sasuke and pulling him back with him.

"Dobe," muttered Sasuke.

They stared at the poster with a man with bushy white hair winking at them. There was a speech bubble that had 'come, and listen to the great Toad Sage's very first lecture!'.

Naruto's eyes narrowed considerably at the poster. The toad sage had a lecture and never told him?

"Lets go," he said, already walking off to the address on the poster – the village hall.

They ignored the sign that had 'only 18 and above may enter' and slipped in, unnoticed. There was a white board at the front and rows of chairs facing it. There weren't many people there – just the Hokage and the Jounin's. From the mops of hair, they could see the spiky grey hair that belonged to Kakashi. They sat themselves down on the last row and stared intently at Jiraiya.

"-realised something," continued Jiraiya enthusiastically with a small blush on his cheeks, "and that is…"

"That is?" asked Naruto, but no one noticed him, not even Jiraiya who looked too into it.

"Nearly EVERYTHING in the world can be categorised into the male or female genitals!" he said excitedly, the passion in his voice painfully obvious. "The world is overflowing with EROTICISM!"

The reporters stopped scribbling, their brushes frozen mid-air.

_Is he feeling alright? _Naruto thought, staring with an eyebrow raised at Jiraiya.

"M-male genital?" whispered someone from the crowd.

Jiraiya pointed childishly at Kurenai in the crowd and cried out, "Kurenai, you should understand! You water your plants everyday! Don't you see? The watering can is the male genital and the flower pot is the female genital!"

Kurenai glared at him but the pink on her cheeks was impossible to miss. "Nonsense," she muttered.

"No!" he continued with zeal, "the reporters! Don't you see? The brush is the male genital and the paper is the female genital! –," then, he pointed to Asuma who had his hands in his pocket, "Asuma! The hand you slip into your pocket is a male and the pocket is the female!"

Sakura, blushing, glanced at Sasuke who also had his hands lazily tucked in his pockets.

"And our summons! How they go into our scroll! The scroll is the female genital and summon is the male genital! Can't you see?," he cried out loudly, his nose bleeding, "Even your shoes! Your leg is the male and the slippers you're wearing are female!"

And then, as if the crowd hadn't gotten the message yet, he went through a series of seals and his hair started to bizarrely grow and lengthen at impossible speeds.

"Look!" he shouted, pointing to his changing hair, "how it _lengthens and shrinks!_"

He started laughing perversely as he watched his own hair with eyes bugging out.

Sasuke shot a pointed look at Naruto as if to say, 'I did not want to be included in this' but Naruto was gone. His head snapped up, where he saw Naruto coming up murderously behind Jiraiya, his hand gripping a pan.

Naruto whacked him across the head, and his hair stopped growing, and he collapsed.

"Pervert!" he screamed at his mentor.

**Xx**

**Xx**

Short, but I found it hilarious XD

Jiraiya's such a pervert but really, i think he has a point -blushes-

i think i've read a story like this before but i can't remember which one... or maybe it was just a dream. haha im such a doof. if you do know which one it is, please tell me :)

**REVIEW :) and check out my other stories :)**


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